I'm Back
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: family
Well, it's been a long time since I've been able to write, and I have a ton to write about. Sorry. First of all, my life is absolutely nuts and my computer crashed, and I have a million other reasons why I haven't written. This blog is about the most important reason, though.

I have a sister. A baby sister. And there is nothing I wouldn't do for her. You know what I mean. You have friends, you have lovers, but you never have anyone quite so close to you as your sister. Well, I have a sister, probably my best friend, and I love her...and she's dying. She has kidney disease, and she's not doing so well these days. Let me tell you the story.

My baby sister met the love of her life, and they had 3 beautiful kids. Each pregnancy was harder and harder on her, and at the end of it all, she found out that she had some health problems...a kidney disease that she was born with that no one caught until now. In March of 2005, she had a kidney removed...it was so bad that I don't think it functioned at all. The other kidney, the doctors hoped, would compensate and take her through the rest of her life. She struggled like a real trooper, having to deal with all of this without her 2 youngest kids, her life in all actuality. See, they had to stay with me, and with my mom, while my sister recovered.

She made it through that. We made it through that. And for a few months, we thought all was well. It's not. Kristen(my sister...she deserves a name by now) is not doing so well any more. Her other kidney is shutting down. She is about ready for dialysis and the transplant list. She doesn't like to admit how bad it is, but she scares me. So...

We start another related story...kind of a happy story, but still a sad story. Kristen and Sean(my brother in law) bought a house a few months ago. There's an apartment above the garage that yours truly is now renting. It's wonderful being so close, but it's devastating knowing that the real reason I moved here is to help Kristen because she is sick. The kids are all doing well and love their new home. Kristen loves her new home but is not doing as well.

Two weeks ago, we had to take her to the emergency oom...kidney infection, of course. She was laid up for a week, but seems to be doing a little better right now. Unfortunately, we(all the people who love her), don't know how much longer it will be until the next scare.

So, the truth is, I want everyone to read this and respond, in one way or in all ways.

My sister's name is Kristen. She's 32 years old. She's the proud mother of three beautiful children, ages 10, 4, and 2. Those kids need her. Her family needs her. I need her. The world will lose something if she dies before her time...

Here are my requests(and there are a few):

First and foremost, I ask that everyone that reads ths might say a little prayer for my sister, Kristen, and for the health and happiness of her kids. I'm not a religious person, but I pray every day, and I'm hoping you might, too. Secondly, and this is for her and everyone else like her, I'm asking that, if you can, if you physically can, please, please, please, become an organ donor. Sign that card. Do what you have to do. Just think of my sister. Think of your sister. What would you do to save her life?

If you would like to tell my sister that you are thinking of her, or praying for her, please contact her at this address set up specifically for her right now kristensmiracle@yahoo.com

Breaking up is hard to do....
Mood:  down
Topic: relationships
I know I haven't written for awhile, but I've had alot going on with the holidays, and now with some personal problems. See, I'm in love with a woman who's afraid of our relationship, and I think it might be over. We've been together almost 4 years, but not really together. I've been waiting for her to deal with her sexuality, but it just seems that I'll be waiting forever, and that she is in no rush to do anything about it. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm ashamed of myself for allowing myself to be in this situation. I asked her why she hasn't tried to deal with things, and she told me that she didn't want to, so my feelings got hurt, and I told her to leave me alone. Guess what? She has. I haven't heard from her, and I miss her. I just don't know what to do. Do I call her and apologize for being upset and allow myself to continue waiting for someone who doesn't seem to be coming, or do I just try to let her go? Either way, I'll be hurting and alone. She says she loves me, but most of the time, I don't feel it. Sometimes, I think I'm just destined to be alone.

I SURVIVED THANKSGIVING!!!
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: family
Well, I did it. I survived Thanksgiving....the first holiday of the big holiday season. Since I did, I just wanted to take a moment to thank the important people in my life. Thanks to my mom, who not only gave me life, but helps me live every day. Thanks to my little sister, for being my friend, too. Thanks to my 2 neices and to my nephew, for helping me to smile, and for loving me, no matter what. And thanks to my girl, for just being there. Someday, things will be better, hon.

Goodbye and Thank You to my Grandma
Mood:  sad
Topic: family
On Sunday, the 14th, in the wee hours of the morning, my Grandma passed away. Her funeral is just 12 hours from now. This has been a difficult thing for me to deal with, and the whole thing is making me take a look at my life and the things that affect me. One thing I've come to realize is how important my grandma and my pap were to me. Less than 2 years ago, my Pap died of a heart attack, leaving us, and his wife of 50 some years, behind to deal with life without him. Now, here we are, dealing with the loss of my Gram. I loved them both. I still love them both. They were old-fashioned, opinionated people. They were simple in the the ways that they lived, nothing fancy, and to them, family mattered. They were neighbors as kids, and they spent their lives in a house right down the street from where they grew up, in a tiny "suburb" of a tiny town, and they were happy with that. They lived in a place where neighbors were still friends, where a fast car going up the road was the noisiest event, and where people just watch out for each other. Most importantly, they loved. They loved each other. They loved their kids. And their grandkids. And their great-grandkids. Something that really affected me was the love and support that they gave to me. Like I said, they were old-fashioned, set in their ways about a lot of things, but when they found out I was gay, there was no judgement. I remember my Grandma telling me that they love me no matter what. How lucky was I to have these people in my life? They welcomed women that I was involved with into their home and into their hearts, no questions asked. They loved me unconditionally, and that means the world to me. Anyway, I had to take a moment to recognize my Grandma. I love you, Gram. Thanks for loving me the way that you did. I'll miss you.

Election Problems
Mood:  irritated
Topic: politics
I'm very upset about the election results, as are many people. Here's a copy of an email I just received...

The establishment politicians in Washington seem to be completely unwilling to recognize the need to fight for the right to vote. After all the money the average people poured into their campaigns, they no longer have an excuse to ignore the will of the people!

The electronic voting machines in Ohio and Florida were hacked on a massive scale, inflating the Bush vote totals to numbers higher than the actual number of people who showed up to vote! The exit polls matched the paper ballot vote totals with 100% accuracy, yet where electronic machines were used, the totals were off, and though the exit polls favored Kerry, the final vote totals- which clearly exceed the number of actual votes cast- suddenly favored Bush?

This it total bullshit, and we should not tolerate this silence! Establishment leaders are just trying to use these fake election results as an excuse to angle for power over the party's platform! They're not being responsive, but they have an OBLIGATION TO THE PEOPLE!

RAISE YOUR VOICES! DO NOT WALK AWAY FROM THIS BECAUSE IF YOU DO THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER LEGITIMATE ELECTION AGAIN! DEMAND A PAPER BALLOT RE-VOTE EITHER FOR THOSE TWO STATES OR NATIONWIDE!

http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm
http://www.house.gov/house/MemberWWW.shtml

Look up your representatives and tell them Ohio and Florida were
hacked and you DEMAND a paper ballot revote!

A World Divided
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: thoughts
Everywhere I turn, I see examples of just how divided we are. It's straights against gays, republicans against democrats, catholics against protestants, Americans against French, men against women....and on and on and on. We have wars and terrorism and discrimination. It seems that every aspect of our lives is touched by some sort of "us and them" sort of attitude. Why? Why do we as human beings embrace division and hatred? What happened to tolerence and loving thy neighbor and "live and let live?" I remember when I was a kid watching tv when they showed the news coverage when Anwar Sadat was assassinated, and I remember being very upset. I remember asking my mom back then why we all just can't get along. Well, I'm 33 years old now, and I still can't help but be sad when I turn on the tv and see wars and discrimination and violence and all of the rest of the craziness that we just accept as the way things are. I'm an adult now, and I still have to ask...why can't we all just get along?

Who wants to go on vacation after this?
Topic: bizarre
Has everyone heard this crazy story? It's been all over the news the past few days. Anyway, apparently a woman from Georgia went to Greece on vacation for 2 weeks, and she returned to find a stranger living in her house! It seems that this other woman had nowhere to go, so she broke into the vacationing woman's home with a shovel(how exactly do you do that??), and just took over. She moved in her things, repainted one of the rooms, tore up carpeting, and even made a comfy little place for her dog. How crazy is that? Of course, as I listen to this story on the news, I am full of questions. First of all, how is it that none of the neighbors noticed a stranger moving into this home? Secondly, they say that this stranger even went so far as to have the electric bill switched into her name. Since I moved recently, I know this is not an easy task, so I'm wondering why and how she accomplished this. The gay girl in me is thinking that maybe these two were lovers-gone-bad....makes sense, doesn't it? What do you think about this whole crazy situation?

The trouble with bars....
Mood:  irritated
Topic: today's gripe
Do you know what pisses me off? I don't go out much these days, but when I do, I go to small-town, hole-in-the-wall kinds of bars, and I get sick of some of the things I see and hear. Most of the time, I hear all about drugs and drug deals and who OD'd and all of those sorts of things. Don't get me wrong...I don't really care what other people choose to do, but is it really necessary to hear all the details? I'm a quiet, keep to myself kind of gal, and I don't want to know the details of who is doing what kinds of illegal activities! No wonder I don't like to leave the house!!! So here's my suggestion...If you are one of those people that likes to brag about your weekend adventures, and who you sold to, and who you bought from, and who got sick or died as a result of it, just keep it to yourself. Some of us are sick of hearing it.

Bush or Kerry?
Mood:  not sure
Topic: politics
Well, this is the first time I've done this, but here goes! Right now, I'm obsessing over the upcoming election, and the importance of ousting Bush from the White House. As a lesbian, I find his treatment of gays deplorable, and as a human being, I simply think he is an idiot. I'm disgusted by the war in Iraq and by the exploitation of the September 11th tragedy during this campaign. What bothers me the most is that there are so many people out there believing that George W. is actually doing a good job. Where do these people live? How can anyone turn on the television or read a newspaper without seeing what a mess he has made of things? Do I agree with everything that John Kerry has to say? Of course not. I don't like his stance on gay marriage, but at least he is not proposing legalized discrimination through constitutional amendments. I do believe that we all have a better chance at having a better life and a better America with Kerry as our leader. Just my opinion. Regardless, please get out and vote on November 2....our world depends on it.